Monday, August 4, 2008

They had me surrounded

Yesterday morning I woke up greeted with the lovely morning sun and an insatiable hunger for mounds and mounds of hot breakfast. But I did not want to cook said breakfast myself. Where would one go for such a thing around here? We don't have a Shoney's and we slept too late to enjoy their breakfast buffet anyway. So, I woke Andy up and told him of my wants and needs, and we hopped in the car to go to Daniel Boone Inn. At DBI you pay $9 per person and you can have all the bacon, sausage, country ham, stewed apples, eggs, red eye gravy, sausage gravy, grits, cinnamon biscuits and buttermilk biscuits you can fit into your ever expanding stomach.

We got there and there was a line, which is to be expected, and an endless number of people coming in behind us. DBI is not a secret little hidey hole kind of place. People know about it and they flock to it. So we took our place in line and proceeded to wait for our turn to partake in artery clogging morning goodness. But as I was standing in line I began to look around and realized that all around me, everywhere I looked, there were cute babies. Babies of all ages, shapes, sizes and genders. It was like we had walked into baby wonderland, or baby hell, depending on how you looked at it. I think Andy was in hell, but I was in wonderland.

They looked all soft and cuddly and not a single one of them was crying or having a tantrum. Why were they not throwing tantrums? That is a foolproof way to get off the baby train for any childless couple. Give us about 10 minutes around a screaming, inconsolable child and we are vowing to not have babies for at least 15 more years. And though Andy was in hell for the anticipation of an all out cry fest, even he couldn't find any faults to point out with all these kids. And believe me, if there is a complaint to be made about a kid, he's going to make it. He isn't so fond of kids, especially ones he doesn't know. But alas, all he could point out to me were the gigantor, obviously enhanced breasts of one of the mothers standing in line. She'd had at least two kids that we could tell and I told Andy that maybe those were her push presents. Don't know what a push present is? I wish I didn't.

My ovaries began to twitch and the waitress finally put me out of my misery and came to seat us. But we didn't escape the cuteness. It must have been National Bring Your Kids to DBI Day, because they were still everywhere. And even when we left and had to walk past the line of waiting diners, more babies still. One of them took a liking to Andy. He saw him walk past and it was like a magnet to a refrigerator, his eyes locked on him and didn't move until Andy was out of sight. This kid knew this guy was cool and why didn't he want to play with him?

Sorry little boy, Andy doesn't freely give love to babies. You terrify him.

We haven't had any more baby talk since we left DBI. But for the past two days Andy has taken to cradling Brunswik like a baby and singing "Rock-a-bye Bunny" to him. Brunsie is not amused.